Northbury Penitentiary Escapee Starts Clothing Line

In May of 2006, Jeff Hoban was sentenced to 14 years in prison for detonating explosives he placed in the shipment of Twinkies to his local Target, injuring 3 Target team members and the putting the Twinkie truck driver into a 3 month coma. He was quoted as saying that "If I can't have them, nobody can!" His single mother, Mary Charles, punished the then 16-year-old by taking away junk food for "disturbing the peace" in church. Hoban had repeatedly "flicked buggers into the holy water," his mother recalls.

This January, Hoban escaped from Northbury Penitentiary by reportedly blowing through the jail walls with a potassium and water mixture. Hoban had been extracting potassium from his daily diet over the three years he was behind bars.

Since his escape, Hoban has started a business that, fashion guru Tina Fey says will transform the nation. Allowing himself to be interviewed in "the alley behind Joe's favorite burger joint," eager consumers get an insider view of the mind that started this fashion fad. Hoban explains his concept, while demonstrating, and how he came up with the idea:

"After I outran the range of the guards, I took the car my girl, Jenny left for me. Always think safety first dude, so I like tried to put the seat belt on, but it wouldn't work with my cuffs on, and stuff. I was nervous, so I drove real slow, and stuff. I think that's why I wasn't caught. The pigs were probably lookin' for some dude smashing into stuff going fast, yah know? Well anyway, that seat belt deal gave me an idea, and when I tried to put new clothes on later, it like really hit me, dude. Because, like, I couldn't get my arms into the sleeves."

Hoban's idea was simple at first: he cut the shirts he wore from the side of the collar, along the top of the shoulder, to the end of the sleeve. Once he had the shirt fully on, he duct taped the shirt back together. He decided to take it to the next step with his girlfriend, Jenny, who he met through the Northbury Prisoner Partnering Program (NPPP). Jenny learned how to sew from her mother who died in a fatal suicide attempt that killed her and that poor dog, late last week [see SUICIDE; p.K9]. Since her mother's death, Jenny has been working hard to expand her boyfriend's fashion line. She has been sewing Velcro patches onto the cheaper models and zippers for the high class items.

If you are stuck in handcuffs and want to wear shirts and jackets that won't need to be duct taped, or just want to fit in with the fad, get in touch with Lenny at the corner of 4th and 7th. As the main sales rep for JJ's clothes, he'll give you a deal you can't refuse.