Breaking the Ice

Okay, so apparently the whole picture doesn't show up correctly, click it or click here to see the whole comic.

"So, do you want to go to the Spance with me?"

"Are you calling me fat?!"

... that's Spanx.

(I'm not very good with girls)

If you can't read it:

Male: America's culture is so lazy, we've begun contracting words that aren't supposed to be contracted.

Female: Like how a male nanny is called a manny?

Male: yeah.

Male: Whatever... so do you want to go to the Spring Dance with me?

Female: You mean the Spance?

Male: Uhh...

Relativity

Relativity

It's all how we look at things.

Does anyone know of any comic drawing freeware? Meh.

Help!

How I procrastinate my own work: by helping you with yours.

(click for full image)

(click for full image)

If you read this flow chart and immediately thought to yourself, "How am I supposed to handle this?" Then you were about to ask me about it, but realized it involved me, read this: http://www.wikihow.com/Ignore-Insults

Still confused? Here yah go: www.lmgtfy.com

ATTN: 〈span〉

: attention span ≤ 20 minutes.


Why America quick minded?


Rare to read all words.


Damn fast paced TV engrave ADHD → us.


Want Everything Immediate.


Why is Everything in this world so GodsDammed so quick? Everybody is rushing to the punch line. Granted, I would like a refreshing tropical fruit beverage too, but what's wrong with waiting around a little bit to get there?


People need to stop thinking they're going to die tomorrow and start realizing they need to start enjoying what they're doing now, to its fullest.


Youtube tells its users to make their videos 1 minute or shorter, nobody reads all the words in their textbooks, books for pleasure, or news articles anymore. Even reality TV shows cut short the "action" to a set amount of time to put on air.
Does anybody else feel like they're getting ripped off? I would like to fully experience my reading material, for one. and I certainly don't mind sitting through a 2 hour movie. Life needs to slow down.  




OBTW: If you skipped to the bottom, You should giggle.

St. Patrick's Day leads to Cancer?

So apparently St. Patrick's Day can lead to cancer? (see below) So does Tuna, but I'm an alcoholic, so I don't care.)


FD&C Green No. 3 has shown to produce tumors and mutations, according to its Wikipedia article. Does this mean that celebrators of St. Patrick's Day will have tumors? Meh, probably not any more than usual, given that everything from keeping your cell phone in your pocket to sticking your head in a microwave can give you cancer these days. Should we be worried about putting too much green food coloring into our St. Patrick's day beer or apple juice? Denoting your bowel movement's color should be your only real issue here, as Green No. 3 is not absorbed by the intestines very well.
Five things that are more dangerous than possible tumor producing, mutation causing green food dye:

1. The tainted green beer your "date" gave you.
2. Playing rock, paper, scissors with real props to see who will be the designated driver home.
3. Being in the car with said "designated driver."
4. Trying to find your way home from the alley "by your place."
5. Spending 6 seasons trying to get off the Island.

Northbury Penitentiary Escapee Starts Clothing Line

In May of 2006, Jeff Hoban was sentenced to 14 years in prison for detonating explosives he placed in the shipment of Twinkies to his local Target, injuring 3 Target team members and the putting the Twinkie truck driver into a 3 month coma. He was quoted as saying that "If I can't have them, nobody can!" His single mother, Mary Charles, punished the then 16-year-old by taking away junk food for "disturbing the peace" in church. Hoban had repeatedly "flicked buggers into the holy water," his mother recalls.

This January, Hoban escaped from Northbury Penitentiary by reportedly blowing through the jail walls with a potassium and water mixture. Hoban had been extracting potassium from his daily diet over the three years he was behind bars.

Since his escape, Hoban has started a business that, fashion guru Tina Fey says will transform the nation. Allowing himself to be interviewed in "the alley behind Joe's favorite burger joint," eager consumers get an insider view of the mind that started this fashion fad. Hoban explains his concept, while demonstrating, and how he came up with the idea:

"After I outran the range of the guards, I took the car my girl, Jenny left for me. Always think safety first dude, so I like tried to put the seat belt on, but it wouldn't work with my cuffs on, and stuff. I was nervous, so I drove real slow, and stuff. I think that's why I wasn't caught. The pigs were probably lookin' for some dude smashing into stuff going fast, yah know? Well anyway, that seat belt deal gave me an idea, and when I tried to put new clothes on later, it like really hit me, dude. Because, like, I couldn't get my arms into the sleeves."

Hoban's idea was simple at first: he cut the shirts he wore from the side of the collar, along the top of the shoulder, to the end of the sleeve. Once he had the shirt fully on, he duct taped the shirt back together. He decided to take it to the next step with his girlfriend, Jenny, who he met through the Northbury Prisoner Partnering Program (NPPP). Jenny learned how to sew from her mother who died in a fatal suicide attempt that killed her and that poor dog, late last week [see SUICIDE; p.K9]. Since her mother's death, Jenny has been working hard to expand her boyfriend's fashion line. She has been sewing Velcro patches onto the cheaper models and zippers for the high class items.

If you are stuck in handcuffs and want to wear shirts and jackets that won't need to be duct taped, or just want to fit in with the fad, get in touch with Lenny at the corner of 4th and 7th. As the main sales rep for JJ's clothes, he'll give you a deal you can't refuse.

Rebuttal to Sam Usem's "God as a Band-Aid Theory."

Disclaimer: This is refurbished from Facebook Notes.
Sam Usem, a wonderful person, intellectually stimulating, and generally cool dude theorizes the following, which he has named "God as a Band-Aid Theory.": (summarized by me.)

Historically, humans have always been a superstitious species. When we don't understand something, when we didn't get why or how, we said that it was a God. We didn't get that huge bright orangy thing in the sky. How it worked, why it went up and down, what it is... We didn't know any of this. So you know what we did? We said it was a God. Egyptians called him Ra, the Aztecs called him Tonatiuh, Greeks thought that Helios (Titan or Hyperion) drove a chariot across the sky each day, and Chinese believed that it was a "sun bird" that brightened each day.
We didn't believe that we had sway in this world, so the Greeks prayed to Ares, Nike, and Athena, the Romans played to Victoria and Vacuna, etc. in order to win victory over their enemies in battle. We prayed for protection, for strength.
We worshiped Gods of the cosmos, the earth, natural disasters. We prayed for knowledge, strength, good crops, and beauty. Anything we desired and anything we appreciated that we did not understand - we turned to a God for help.
Then we became "more intelligent" as a species, we knew what moved the tides, we knew how meteorology affected our farms, how basic solar system entities worked; yet we still didn't (and still don't) get what happened to us (or what makes each one of us what we are.) after death. For this, and for some other things, we still turn to God.
But for once as a species, we are becoming more logical. More of us turn to rational reasoning as to why and how the world works, what will happen to us and etc. etc. Now, when we find new things that perplex us, things that are too complex for us to yet understand, we don't turn to deities, we notice it, and realize we don't understand it yet, and research it more to become more knowledgeable. When we see sub-atomic particles that seem to disappear and reappear at will, we don't say, "Oh! That must be the Particle God, Participles." we instead say "Hmm, this is quite intriguing, we should look into this." "I concur." says the Lab Assistant and "Uh... Cool!" says the funder, pouring billions of dollars of research into discovering the truth.
This, Sam has decided, means that we are becoming less and less superstitious.

I disagree.

Humans are just as superstitious as we once were, we just place that superstition in different things. Instead of saying God rewards us with the good crop season, we say that Aliens and UFOs create crop circles and mutilate our cows. We claim to have been abducted by extra-terrestrials, haunted by ghosts, and contacted by dead loved ones. How are we so different from the primitive humans we now look down upon?

Interesting Fact: Insurance companies call natural disasters such as tornadoes, hail damage, etc. as "Acts of God" yet floods are not included in this list. Does anyone remember that bible story where God destroyed the world, leaving only Noah with some animals? How did God do that again? Oh, right. :D

TechNo Savy

My mother is the first one to say that technology is evil, now this might have something to do with my naming her computer "Satan," the numerous viruses and trojans I've uploaded to her computer which make explosion noises upon random button presses or mouse clicks, or it might simply be because of her lack of adventure and fear of change.

When working on a computer one should trust what they are doing, whether the user actually knows how to operate the given program or not, exploring the options available should always come first. As beloved comic writer, xkcd, has laid out in his easy-to-follow flowchart.

Technology was initially created to make our lives easier. We started as hunters and gatherers and eventually needed a quicker way to wash our clothes. BOOM, the laundry machines, meet Mr. Washer and Mrs. Dryer. Now that's convenient, right? I mean, at first we (by "we" I of course mean "women") spent needless hours cleaning clothes by that whole washboard and bucket of water thing, then it was up on the ol' clothes line to dry. Can you imagine being the person that invented the washer machine? What a great tagline they must have had, "You said you wanted a voice in society, you said you wanted to not be belittled by your husband at his business meetings, you said you wanted just a little bit more time to make your husband coffee in the morning; well, one out of three ain't too dang shabby. LAUNDRY MACHINES!" Mr. Laundry was a smart man.

So, technology progessed...

As of right now, I am sitting on the floor of an airport gate area, people watching. There is an Asian couple at my 2 o'clock, the man is writting an email on his macbook pro, and his woman is listening to music on her iPod nano yellow. Two of the three boys of the family of five in front of me are huddled around the third on his Nintendo DS. Next to them, a man is on his cell phone while his todler son and wife sat next to him, asleep. Two grade-school children were giggling at a youtube video they had seen on an iPod touch. Is there ever a line that our society can cross? A line which separates the technology that aids our progress and technology that aids our entertainment?

When do our advancements begin to impeed more advancements? With our new "gadents and gizmos," as people over 56 commonly refer to them, we expect life to be quick, effortless, and efficient. Our laundry, our travel, our food, and even our fun time.

As a culture, we are past the fun of simplistic entertainment and onto "GameBox" (-Sandy Baron original) TV, music, and more. It has become too much effort to walk outside and play. We no longer enjoy the fun of socializing. Instead everything is to be mutlitasked. We watch TV with our computers or phones out. We talk to our friends while we text. I walk to class and for everyone 4 people I pass, one of them is looking down at their phone. Is this the future we want? Or is this the future we deserve and have been dealt justly?
Should something be done to halt this expansion of technobable or is it something good we must fit into our lives?

Is technology helping our future, hindering it, or does tech have it's own agenda. (Good tagline for a movie, no?)

Intro to the only text version of .Avi.

First off, I'd like to welcome you to my blog, it's contents include my thoughts, stories, satirical comments, possible comics, and pretty much anything else I can think of (which I suppose would fall under "thoughts.")

I'm writting this in the Syracuse International Airport at 5:00 am. on March 12th, 2010, but this all started when I read an article in the Student Voice, a Magazine at Syracuse University, giving the reader 10 things to do as. #6, starting a blog and making all of our friends read it seemed a much better fit than stalking my old crush or getting and internship.

In here you will be entertained by clever advice, sarcasm, total geekness, solutions to world problems, real life stories, completely fictional stories, and the occasional joke that applies to one of the possibly 7 readers.

I'm essentially on every social networking site except those that provide service exclusively to pedophiles and musicians (yes that may have been too harsh, Myspace, I'll apologize later). So Friend me on Facebook, Follow me on Twitter, be my friend on ShareTV, or do whatever it is one does with Google Buzz, I really have no idea why that seemed like a good idea to me.

Enjoy reading and feel free to comment good things, bad things, agreements, disagreements, etc. Starting conversations and debates is always intriguing.