The reason this tweet is the funniest of the bunch:


Imagine little kids writing poems in a competition. Not there yet? Let me give you some examples...

The Kadimahnik who just learned what Haikus are:

I love you so much,
Today the blue team will win,
Dear judges - Go Blue.

The Taster who barely understands poems or love:

I love you,
you love me.
We're a happy family.
With the red team winning and a punch from butt to you!
Won't you say you love me too?

The Tzofim kid who's super into limericks:

Bikkurim! What's the theme? I'm on Green,
We prevent them from winning like a vaccine.
Marathon is up next,
We win in all subjects,
Make sure you wear your sunscreen.

And finally, the Teva Trek camper who just got into spoken word, Poetry SLAM!:

YELLOW!
Yesterday I was playing my cello. I was eating some jello. I was having a conversation with a very strange... fellow. It was mellow.
The whole thing was great! Look at me postulate the state's fate.
I was rhyming way before you were born! The sweet sweet corn. I hope you won't be the one to mourn.
The fact that we will be victorious. Because we're glorious, notorious. The other teams want to be whore-ing us.
You'll see tonight when we win. Feel goosebumps on your skin, hairs on your chin chin. And your mouth it will grin.
Woah, man. Why can't I have more than 30 minutes to write this? I was going for like 4 pages here...
Don't you hear me bellow?
GO YELLOW!

Also yeah, sometimes I favorite my own tweets. But only the good ones.

Hey there Quinny did you have fun while I was out?
I bet you licked yourself, yeah without a doubt!
Did you sleep the whole time?
Did you bark at some cars?
Were you able to look outside at the stars?
Were you waiting for me?
Were you hoping for Todd?
Do you want to borrow a siddur so you can pray to God?

Sometimes I sing to Quinn (the dog) when I get home.

Love wins

This is my way of the commonly stated "This is a great victory, but the fight is far from over."

Two Brits having a drug deal:
"Aye, do you have the money?"
"Yeah! Do you got the drugs?" (I don't really know what happens in drug deals.)
"'ere they are. Do you- WAIT WHAT'S UP WITH THIS COPPER RIGHT 'ERE?!"
"Oh... you mean this copper right 'ere? Oy, mate. I'm sorry, did you prefer brass? or... "



BECAUSE THAT ACCENT CALLS POLICE OFFICERS "COPPERS" AND COPPER IS A TYPE OF METAL LIKE BRASS. DO YOU GET IT?

I used to Think that by the time I got cancer we'd be looking back at how barbaric the treatment for it used to be. Chemo and radiation - "let's just kill everything and hope the bad stuff dies too." Boy was I wrong.

Talmud Torah Lesson Plan: Think Critically and Question all the crap you've been taught over the last 15 years.

iPad Thai

Not as tasty as you might expect...